The most amazing friends on Earth

There are few things that I like less than being tied to tubes and machines. There is no prison like immobility. A few days after my surgery, they took out most of my tubes :-) Good times for me. Today, I am at home, sitting in my living room, wondering, "What now?" I can't keep my eyes open for every long, though I'm not always sleeping when they are closed... they just won't stay open.

Getting out of bed in the morning hurts more than anything else. I guess that I'm just sore after lying still for so long. Once I get going, I'm okay, though. But wow that first hour is a killer.

I want to thank you, my dear friends, for the amazing amount of love you have showered on me in the last 2 weeks. For the beautiful women in my life....Most girls in my life have been smothering, but you have not. You have helped me to make fun of our boys...err, men as we never have before. Thanks for cutting my hair before I got stuck in a hospital for so long. Thank you for bringing me hugs and kisses while I was there. Thank you for helping me wash my hair when I can barely move and doing all kinds of things for me that I could not (and still can not) do for myself.

And you incredible men.... I can never tell you how much you have meant to me this week. Never have I felt so safe as when I fell asleep in a hospital bed holding your hand and woke up 20 minutes later with you still there. And when you were leaned up against a wall and I stood up and walked to you, you hugged me tight and didn't let go but rested your cheek on my forehead and just held me, never have I felt so much love and protection. When you brought your guitar and played and sang praises to our Father while I faded in and out, it brought joy to my heart. When you held me up as I tried walking down the hall of the hospital those first few times, I was not afraid of falling, because I knew you would catch me. I had no idea that you guys were so priceless to me. I hope I have you til the day I die.

Wow... I love each of you so much. Don't feel like your job is over though. I'm in the same condition as I was yesterday, I'm just living it at home where there are no bars to hold onto and no nurses to wake me at 3:00 in the morning. I still need you, and I can't tell you what a blessing it is to know that I still have you.

A million things to love about Jason Pritchard

It's strange that I'm doing this for someone that I'm quite sure will never read this page, but I know that many of you know Jason. I'd like to give you even more reasons to love him.... as if you need more reasons.

• He is a big Jesus fan!
• He plays the piano... well.
• He plays the piano for me when I ask really nice.
• He's cute.
• He has no idea that he's cute.
  
• He hugs me when I'm cold.
• He holds my hand when I'm afraid.
• He loves his kids at church.
• He doesn't feel the need to fill the silence.
• He's a crazy UPS guy!
• He loves to worship.
• He plays the guitar.
• He stays up late, so it's okay to call him in the middle of the night.
• He opens doors for girls.... sometimes ;-)
• When we are on the phone, if I'm really lucky, he'll play his keyboard and let me just sit and listen on the phone.
  
• He is silent, but strong.
• He tells crazy Quinton-esque jokes.
• He has a cool jacket.
• He gives up sleep fairly often, to spend time with his friends.
• He went to UK.
• When he gets embarrassed, he laughs funny and his face turns red... it's cute.
• He wants to sneak his keyboard into my hospital room :-)
  
• He is humble.
  
• Once again.... he's cute :-)

You are loved, Mr. Pritchard.... very much.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

Quite possibly the most rare thing in my life is the one or two days a year that I just can't go to sleep. For whatever reason, this is one of those nights. I have a million thoughts running through my head and they won't sit still for even a minute.

I don't really want to watch TV because... well, that's dumb. My first instinct is to call Jason. He works the night shift, but he's off on Sunday nights, so he's usually awake. He's not answering his phone though. Sad times for me. Mike is sick and needs his sleep just this once, so I decided not to call him. I should clean, but I just don't have the energy. I've only been allowed to eat jell-o and chicken broth today, so I'm not feeling my best... probably best that I don't have anyone to talk to. Hmm... maybe I'll get off here and try to sleep again. Goodnight!

A million things to love about Steve Christy

In honor of his birthday....

Ok Steve, it's your turn. And don't you dare argue with me... yes, there are a million things to love about you...

• He loves Jesus... a lot!
• Little kids love Steve.
• He loves old movies.
• He does nothing half way.
• He never makes fun of other people.
• He likes to make fun of himself so that other people can join in.
• He has random movie nights at his apartment.
• He's cute.
• He changes his facial hair every couple of weeks to entertain the kids at church.
• He is crazy about his mom!
• He calls me right when I want to talk to him.
• Uncle Steve loves his nieces and nephews as if they were his own.
• He has all three LOTR Extended Edition DVDs.... and shares them.
• He gave me the coolest movie ever.
• He listens with his eyes... not just his ears.
• He has a motorcycle.
• He's protective of other people.
• He is a faithful friend.
• He is weird... I mean, really weird.
• He opened doors for my mom.
• He is a true servant, but allows others to serve him as well.
• He's stink'n hilarious.
• He's fun to ride in the car with on a snowy day.
• He does not lower his standards.
• He will play racquetball with me, even though I stink at it.
• He has a banjo in his closet (and a trombone, a bugle, and a beautiful saxophone).
  

Be careful with your comments ladies and gentlemen. Steve doesn't comment on my blog... but he does read it. :-) You rock, Steve!

Wondering minds want to know...

Well, I went to the oncologist today. My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday morning at 7:30. I'll be in the hospital for a few days and then stuck at home staring at the wall for a few weeks after that. Feel free to visit.

As of today....

As of today, I love Greek! Surprised? Not me. I thought that I'd like it. We'll see if it continues ;-)

As of today, I am already behind on my homework. Surprised? Well, I am. I usually get of to a decent start at least. I think that in the back of my mind, I keep thinking, "I'm not going to finish this semester, so why put so much into it now?" Dumb, eh?

As of today, I am VERY excited about Saturday night. I have a fun pajama party at Ashley May's to go to, complete with breakfast. I also get to dine with some good friends chowing on Chinese (food, not people) and then head to Steve's to make fun of the people that like Napoleon Dynamite. And the best part is.... I have the coolest T-shirt ever (my roomies just gave it to me) that I'm saving for just such an occasion. Oh, the laughs I'll get :-)

As of today, the sun is shining... ahhh, I love sunshine!

As of today, well... this moment to be exact, I think I'm going to make some goodies to take to Ashley's and Steve's tomorrow. Everyone loves goodies, right?

As of today, I am at peace with where I am: School, Work, My rather extinct love life, friends, family. Today is going to be a good day.

I think that my days tend to be much better when I have to go to school. Ironic, eh? It's like I have a purpose that I didn't have during break. It doesn't make sense to me, but that's ok.

Get up. Go to class. Go to another class. Rush to work. Remember that I didn't eat breakfast. Shrug and get over it. Leave one job and go to another. Remember that I didn't eat lunch. Run to Kroger for a quick salad in the 5 minutes before my students arrive. Meet a good friend for a good long talk before my night class. Smile. Hug. Cry. Go to class. Go home. Crawl into bed. Now that my friends, is a good day. And tomorrow will only be better :D

A million things to love about Lisa Pumpelly

This has quickly become a fun game for me. I hope ya'll like it too!

Okay, Lisa darling. It's your turn. I am crazy about Lisa for a million reasons... just as any of you that truly know her. Why, you may ask....well, do let me tell you a few reasons....

• She is crazy about Jesus.
• She has a passion for Muslims like no one I've ever met.
• She loves her friends.
• She's cute.
• She treats me like family.
• She IS family.
• She let's me drive her beautiful truck!
• She cares about my heart.
• She cares about my health.
• She can say something to me and make me laugh, when from anyone else, I'd be insulted.
• She tries to be obnoxious, but fails miserably.
• If she has a question, she asks it.
• She knows more about me than I do in many ways.
• She holds my hand in public.
• She lets me hug her any time I want to.
• Lisa has no problem telling me when I'm being stupid... and she's usually right.
• She can cook like nobody's business!
• She keeps me company when I'm lonely.
• She warns me a week or two before her dad comes to visit.
• She always asks her mom to pray for me and keeps her updated on how I am.
• She likes to play racquetball with me.
• We can sit together in silence, and it's okay.
• She is always thinking deep thoughts aloud.
• We can speak Swahili together all day and drive everyone around us insane!
• She laughs at me.... a lot!

The new me.

Sorry I've not written in a few days. I'm trying to process a lot of stuff at one time. So, I have cancer... what does that mean? It means a lot of things I guess. It means that my medical bills are about to go through the roof. It means my parents are actually going to call once in awhile. It means my mother, father, and grandmother cry a lot. It means that I have 8 bottles of pills on my dresser. It means I will never have my own children... which if we are honest, prospects weren't looking that good to start with :-) It means I have a more personal reason to wear that little yellow bracelet that one of my kids at work gave me. It means that I will have surgery soon and be in the hospital for awhile. It means that I may have to sit out of school this semester. It means that I am learning that I have a lot more friends than I ever imagined.

I have received the most random emails from my friends parents, old college professors, as well as good friends that I talk to every day. Some people shower me with love constantly, but some people, the ones that I desperately need to see their love, refuse to show it at all. I know that they love me, but they don't express it. I don't understand why, and I'm not used to it. Perhaps they are afraid for one reason or another. Perhaps they are doing their job of guarding my heart. Perhaps I misjudge their love for me. People are funny, eh? I guess something that I am certain that my parents excelled in when I was a child, was teaching me to love with all my heart. There was never lack of affection in my life. I get it now from many of my friends, but it's hard for me to understand when people that I know love me, don't show it.

Anyway, back to my life.....

This a new part of who I am. My life has changed, and will continue to change.... deal with it! I will crack jokes about it... just like I crack jokes about my height and my lack of English skills. I'm not trying to freak anyone out, so don't get all weird on me. I am.... and I will be, okay.

Standing at the floodgate, steady as an earthquake.

Well, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?

Good news? Ok.

• Jesus loves me.
• I'm discovering that a lot of people that I thought "like" me, really love me too
  
• My car works
• I got to see my mom today
• I got lots of hugs from fun people today
• I didn't have to work today
• I don't have to work tomorrow
• Jason is the one on trial ... I'm just there to keep him company. (yes, I know that's not good news for Jason...)
  
• I get to hang out with Jason tomorrow!!!
  
• I have a Bible all my own, loaded with lots of love from my Father
  
• I have the absolute, most amazing bunch of friends on the planet that I am completely undeserving of
• I will sleep soundly tonight

Bad news? Are you sure? Ok....

• I have cancer.

Yes, it's true. I had my surgery yesterday, and came home pretty drugged up. I went back to the doc today and she told me the news. I deeply apologize to those of you that have to find out by reading this, rather than me telling you in person. Please don't think I don't love you. I do. I know this will freak some people out. If it does, please call and talk to me. I really am okay with this, and I want you to be also.


Proverbs 3:24 - When you lie down, you will not be afraid; When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Protection for a tender heart.

Well, tomorrow is the big day. My surgery is at 11:30am... and I am still not excited about it. Not that I ever expected to be. I am one of the few people in the world that thrives on community so much, that even when I am completely alone, I can imagine a community around me and be content. Funny, eh?

But not today...

I'm sitting on my bed crying, while trying desprately not to let my roommates or the people on the phone hear me. Why? I don't know. I have amazing friends. I really do. God has blessed me far beyond anything I could imagine in that area. I just feel so alone tonight. The girls in my life care about me far more than I will ever understand, but I miss the guys. When I am afraid, girls get on my nerves. I need a guy to come and hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, and that when I wake up, he'll be there waiting for me. Not necessarily that he is in love me and wants to marry me and all that stuff... just that he is my friend, and I will not lose him. My heart needs that protection today more than others.


God is so good to me. He knew exactly what I needed tonight. I called my friend Steve's apartment, knowing that he was at work. I just wanted to leave a message for him for when he got home. His roommate answered. We talked for about 15 mintues about the many things going on in life these days, and he asked me about my week. I told him about my surgery tomorrow to tell him that I wouldn't be doing much this week. The kindness I experienced in the next 5 minutes broke my heart. He was so encouraging, and promised to pray during the procedure. I had no idea why, but I felt like he was saying words I'd never heard before. I knew that if I were in the room with him, I could have had the hug I needed so badly, but up to that point had no idea that I had needed.


I realized that something was missing in my life. I have a good friend from my past, that I rarely see or talk to anymore, but he is still in my mind often. He would call across the country, continent, or even the world, just to see how I was doing and pray for me. We ended every phone call spending 10-15 mintues praying together. I can't remember the last time that has happened. I miss his compassion. I miss guys that will put their arm around me just to make me feel safe. I miss long talks about heartfelt dreams and desires. I miss it when it's gone, but some day I know I will have that again. Protection. Compassion. Kindness. Prayers. God is so good to me.

A million things to love about Mike Hilliard

Ok, so I've been informed that I need to share the love with some people besides my darling Ashlee. So, I've decided to give it a whirl so that some of my other friends will know that I love them dearly. Today it is Mike's turn. Mike is awesome...

• Mike is crazy about Jesus!
• Mike has a cool answering machine message
• He goes out of his way to make sure everyone feels included
• He's cute :-)
• He thinks he Scottish
• Longs for everyone to know Jesus like He should be known
• Humble
• He has a wonderful laugh
• Mike is concerned with the spiritual walk of others
• He teases me just enough... not too much... not too little
• He can handle a RISK board like no other man can
• He works at Lifeway
• He's a heartfelt romantic
• Mike likes Braveheart
• He thinks a lot.
• He shares his thoughts
• Likes to play games
• He has fun hair
• He likes to talk into the wee hours of the morning
• He's very dramatic.
• He opens doors for girls... ALL girls, not just the cute ones :-)
• He learns about things that his friends care about, even when he doesn't care about those things, just so that he can show them that he loves them
• He's a crazy blogg'n man!
• He give awesome hugs!!
  

Just a child

I am just a child. A child of the King, yes, but a child nonetheless. I have a lot of growing to do. Some days I think that I am ready to be an adult, complete with husband and adorable children. Other days I realize that I am still a child myself. True, each day I grow a little more. I learn more. I listen better. I love more deeply. I use bigger words. I plan my days. I think of others. I pray for the hearts of my friends. I try to protect my own heart. But dispite my growing, I still have a long way to go.

My Father is the King, which makes me a princess, and not only that. He owns the cattle on a thousand hillsides, which makes me heir to a fortune. Why do I doubt that He will bless me far beyond my imagination? He loves me. He wants to bless me. And He wants to make me beautiful too!! I just make it difficult for Him. It's as if I say, "No God, I want to be ugly. I want to keep my ashes instead of taking your beauty." Oh, I can be such an idiot...

He makes all things beautiful in its time.
-Ecc. 3:11

When, Oh Lord, is my time?

Waiting...

Do you ever sit around waiting for something to happen, knowing good and well that it will probably never come? I've known for a few days that today would be a day like that. I've been praying that God would give me an extra measure of grace to get through it. He did. As usual.

Today was a busy day at work with lots of distractions. I was actually praying that time would go a little more slowly so that I could get everything done that I needed to do. It's amazing that God gives me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it... even (and sometimes especially) when I don't know it. Not just that, but He ended up giving me the very thing I had been waiting for. He is so good to me.

P.S. I have to have blood drawn tomorrow. It usually makes me pass out :-( Anyone want to come hold my hand for me???