The new me.

Sorry I've not written in a few days. I'm trying to process a lot of stuff at one time. So, I have cancer... what does that mean? It means a lot of things I guess. It means that my medical bills are about to go through the roof. It means my parents are actually going to call once in awhile. It means my mother, father, and grandmother cry a lot. It means that I have 8 bottles of pills on my dresser. It means I will never have my own children... which if we are honest, prospects weren't looking that good to start with :-) It means I have a more personal reason to wear that little yellow bracelet that one of my kids at work gave me. It means that I will have surgery soon and be in the hospital for awhile. It means that I may have to sit out of school this semester. It means that I am learning that I have a lot more friends than I ever imagined.

I have received the most random emails from my friends parents, old college professors, as well as good friends that I talk to every day. Some people shower me with love constantly, but some people, the ones that I desperately need to see their love, refuse to show it at all. I know that they love me, but they don't express it. I don't understand why, and I'm not used to it. Perhaps they are afraid for one reason or another. Perhaps they are doing their job of guarding my heart. Perhaps I misjudge their love for me. People are funny, eh? I guess something that I am certain that my parents excelled in when I was a child, was teaching me to love with all my heart. There was never lack of affection in my life. I get it now from many of my friends, but it's hard for me to understand when people that I know love me, don't show it.

Anyway, back to my life.....

This a new part of who I am. My life has changed, and will continue to change.... deal with it! I will crack jokes about it... just like I crack jokes about my height and my lack of English skills. I'm not trying to freak anyone out, so don't get all weird on me. I am.... and I will be, okay.